Introductory Processes
When I first began my journey in this unique program known as Apollo, I was somewhat at a loss as to what I should focus on for my first project. Though I considered utilizing the LGBTQ rights movement as my premise quickly, I initially dismissed the ideation, thinking it too stereotypical of me. However, after further brainstorming, my conclusions kept rounding back to this same concept. I eventually determined that, although a topic such as this one may be predictable of me, its personal relevance could not be disregarded. Due to the social stigmas surrounding homosexuality, it is an unavoidable reality that being gay has been a significant part of my life. As such, it was important and, in my opinion, perfectly acceptable for me to acknowledge that and apply my personal experience and the immediate, primary sources that are those close to me to the task of constructing a meaningful product that showcases this issue. Finally, with my mind made up, I began the thoughtful process towards a project both me and my teachers alike could be proud of.
The First DraftsOver the course of this undertaking, the design for what was to be the final product went through an alarming level of change, change that required adaptability, patience, and acceptance to handle and, at times, overcome. In the earliest stages, the plan was to choreograph a dance that I could construct a music video around whilst telling a story that would directly pertain to the chosen issue. At the time, I was using Hozier's well known song Take me to Church as my music, and had my dance rooted in contemporary. Simultaneously, I also began to design costumes for the video, such as the one seen on the right. This particular example was the earliest draft, featuring a plain white mask meant, at the time, to symbolize anonymity and conformity, a black knit cap, a uniquely built black shirt, and hands and feet wrapped in rags as well as tangled in rosary beads. Themes of this first concept sketch remain evident in what came to be the final variation of this costume depicted in the video.
It is evident that these initial objectives became subject to change in the month to month and a half long duration provided for this first project, but that is not to say that these baby steps were unimportant! Every early idea cast its echoes throughout my work, and if you look hard enough, you will be able to see even the slightest of influences. |
The first costume sketch.
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Second draft concept art for the video's story.
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Rolling with the Punches While progress was still being made, albeit slowly on occasion, difficulties inevitably had to make themselves obnoxiously known. For instance, about half way through my choreography a nasty, impeding injury to my hamstrings drew my work to a near immediate halt. I could no longer move in the way I needed to without risking a tear to the muscles, and, consequently, had to scrap the piece.
Though I was initially discouraged at the loss of such hard work, it was determined that all I could do was keep at it and, I guess you could say, roll with the punches! After a few days of confusion and reasonable frustration, I began to recover from the forced diminution of that aspect and started to dish out new plans and concepts! While before the video was to be more dance based than direct story telling, the new plan was for a more story focused product. Having had to replace most of my project's old aspects, I considered using either Patience and Prudence's song, Tonight You Belong to Me, or their piece A Smile and a Ribbon to replace what I had previously used. The concept art seen on the left was promptly thereafter created with those compositions in mind, though not exactly in a direct or traditional manner. |
In this picture, the masked figure is intended to be a completely separate entity than the video's protagonist--much unlike the first drafts, where the principal character and their veiled counterpart were planned to be the same person. Additionally, while the masked figure was going to be portrayed as benign and even sympathetic in my primary ideas, they were now to be depicted as a character with no allegiances. They would potentially appear near malicious, and were meant to be a representation of things such as fate, god, and / or the devil. Where the protagonist would be a focus point of intense emotion and suffering, the masked figure would be a point of comparison in their complete neutrality--their apathy to the situation a counterpoint to sentimentally derived intensity. They were meant to represent a harsh reality, though not necessarily to serve as an antagonist. They are simply an unavoidable truth. This premise did end up carrying over to the final product, although in the story of the video they ended up more passive and truly impartial than planned at this stage. The presence of the mask looming, omnipresent, behind the protagonist in this photo is intended to convey the inexorable nature of who our narrator truly is, shown further by the consumption of the principal character by the tangles cast by the figure. Since the protagonist finds this deeply frightening, the mask is depicted as malign.
Other aspects include the cross and bible--while the bible is meant to repel what our main character sees as extreme personal sin, the heavy cross makes it unclear what the real problem is. Despite the protagonist viewing their own nature as inherently unacceptable, and religion as righteous and true, we as onlookers can see that their devotional predispositions may actually be weighing them down and causing a rejection of their reality. Though the cross is connected to a rosary, it is heavy and cracked, and the rosary appears almost to be a chain that is literally cutting into the character, causing their wrist to drip blood onto the cross.
Lastly, in a not so subtle metaphor, we see how our protagonist feels that they are being infected by the truth of their sexual orientation via the literal gradient of colors associated with a pride flag slowly making their way over the characters body--though at this point, it covers just their arms. It's implied that they are trying to rid themselves of this through prayer from the bible, the image suggesting that they are speaking the text seen in the background, which is a catholic exorcism, to accomplish this.
Other aspects include the cross and bible--while the bible is meant to repel what our main character sees as extreme personal sin, the heavy cross makes it unclear what the real problem is. Despite the protagonist viewing their own nature as inherently unacceptable, and religion as righteous and true, we as onlookers can see that their devotional predispositions may actually be weighing them down and causing a rejection of their reality. Though the cross is connected to a rosary, it is heavy and cracked, and the rosary appears almost to be a chain that is literally cutting into the character, causing their wrist to drip blood onto the cross.
Lastly, in a not so subtle metaphor, we see how our protagonist feels that they are being infected by the truth of their sexual orientation via the literal gradient of colors associated with a pride flag slowly making their way over the characters body--though at this point, it covers just their arms. It's implied that they are trying to rid themselves of this through prayer from the bible, the image suggesting that they are speaking the text seen in the background, which is a catholic exorcism, to accomplish this.
English Aspects
Poetry
To fulfill my connections to english, I decided that it would be decently worthwhile to perhaps write a brief series of poems to directly compare and contrast the two major viewpoints in the movement for LGBTQ rights. Thus the two pieces seen below, Winter and Summer, came to be!
The first of the duo is Winter, a piece heavy with jaundice and frustrated dolor. Unlike its victorious counterpart, Winter's focus resides in the perspective of an LGBTQ individual directly affected by a removal of same-sex rights ( historical relevance detailed below ). As such, the poem is predictably dark in nature, with the narrator equating their feelings to, basically, an emotional winter. There is a sense of helplessness permeating through the text of the piece as if the speaker feels unable to cling to hope any longer amidst a sea of constant civil defeats.
There are also direct connections to both Winter's partnering poem, Summer, as well as creations by other artists of other trades. For instance, the immediate inspiration for Winter was Icelandic artist Olafur Arnald's album, For Now I am Winter. I utilized the title and mood of the ambient, largely instrumental album as a basis for that particular poem, likely motivated by the fact that I considered using one of Arnald's songs, Himinninn er að hrynja, en stjörnurnar fara þér vel, which roughly translates to "even though the skies are falling, the stars are still beautiful", from the album Variations of Static for my final product's soundtrack. A visible literary influence can be seen in my use of the following line.
The first of the duo is Winter, a piece heavy with jaundice and frustrated dolor. Unlike its victorious counterpart, Winter's focus resides in the perspective of an LGBTQ individual directly affected by a removal of same-sex rights ( historical relevance detailed below ). As such, the poem is predictably dark in nature, with the narrator equating their feelings to, basically, an emotional winter. There is a sense of helplessness permeating through the text of the piece as if the speaker feels unable to cling to hope any longer amidst a sea of constant civil defeats.
There are also direct connections to both Winter's partnering poem, Summer, as well as creations by other artists of other trades. For instance, the immediate inspiration for Winter was Icelandic artist Olafur Arnald's album, For Now I am Winter. I utilized the title and mood of the ambient, largely instrumental album as a basis for that particular poem, likely motivated by the fact that I considered using one of Arnald's songs, Himinninn er að hrynja, en stjörnurnar fara þér vel, which roughly translates to "even though the skies are falling, the stars are still beautiful", from the album Variations of Static for my final product's soundtrack. A visible literary influence can be seen in my use of the following line.
strength has waned too greatly to pretend
that our heavy veils are not of hoarfrost, of burros hide.
The darkened text in the above quote is the allusion, directly referencing the old fairytale Donkey Skin, written by french author Charles Perrault, a man famous for laying out the foundations of the fairytale genre and writing classics such as Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Blue Beard, Puss in Boots, and Little Tom Thumb amongst others.
In Donkey Skin, a noble King's wife falls ill and passes away. Shortly before she dies, she makes her husband promise only to marry someone wiser and more beautiful than herself if he was ever to wed again. It is eventually determined that only the sovereign's daughter could surpass the pulchritude of his late wife, and so, in order to keep his promise, the King decides he must marry her. In opposition to this concept, the young princess begs a fairy god mother for help and is advised to attempt a variety of tasks to thwart the progression of the betrothal. One of these tasks is to request the skin of the donkeys in the royal stables, a inquiry which the King readily complies to. This skin is capable of concealing the girl's beauty ( and thus identity ), as it is a dreadful sight.
It is for this reason that I incorporated a reference to this story in the text of Winter. While the veils worn by brides in "traditional", opposite sex marriages are usually meant to be beautiful and convey a sense of giving and love, a veil for someone prohibited from marrying would likely be a symbol of oppression. Where a heterosexual couple could lift away the veil, an individual with a same-sex partner metaphorically, and to extent literally, can not do the same. The coverings could potentially seem ugly to them in this way, and so the comparison is meant negatively. Like the hide in Donkey Skin, the narrator views their ( imagined ) veil as odious.
In contrast to the aforementioned first poem, Summer is instead explored from the perspective of a religious zealot who feels intolerance towards the LGBTQ community on the basis of emotional, as well as moral, opposition. The speaker feels that it is their god ordained duty to reject lifestyles they view, primarily because of the writings in the bible, as inherently sinful--this including the same-sex attractions of LGBTQ individuals. It is because of this that they feel they've done correct thing, the thing the were intended to do, and as a result refuse to apologize. Not for what the did, which was revoke the rights of same-sex couples, nor for their "emotional summer", which is basically the pleasure they feel at accomplishing what they see as virtuous justice. Though near the end of the piece their convictions waver ever so slightly with the line "how could this be wrong?", which displays hints of uncertainty and doubt, they ultimately believe they are blameless in the scenario and, as such, still do not feel they should apologize.
In Donkey Skin, a noble King's wife falls ill and passes away. Shortly before she dies, she makes her husband promise only to marry someone wiser and more beautiful than herself if he was ever to wed again. It is eventually determined that only the sovereign's daughter could surpass the pulchritude of his late wife, and so, in order to keep his promise, the King decides he must marry her. In opposition to this concept, the young princess begs a fairy god mother for help and is advised to attempt a variety of tasks to thwart the progression of the betrothal. One of these tasks is to request the skin of the donkeys in the royal stables, a inquiry which the King readily complies to. This skin is capable of concealing the girl's beauty ( and thus identity ), as it is a dreadful sight.
It is for this reason that I incorporated a reference to this story in the text of Winter. While the veils worn by brides in "traditional", opposite sex marriages are usually meant to be beautiful and convey a sense of giving and love, a veil for someone prohibited from marrying would likely be a symbol of oppression. Where a heterosexual couple could lift away the veil, an individual with a same-sex partner metaphorically, and to extent literally, can not do the same. The coverings could potentially seem ugly to them in this way, and so the comparison is meant negatively. Like the hide in Donkey Skin, the narrator views their ( imagined ) veil as odious.
In contrast to the aforementioned first poem, Summer is instead explored from the perspective of a religious zealot who feels intolerance towards the LGBTQ community on the basis of emotional, as well as moral, opposition. The speaker feels that it is their god ordained duty to reject lifestyles they view, primarily because of the writings in the bible, as inherently sinful--this including the same-sex attractions of LGBTQ individuals. It is because of this that they feel they've done correct thing, the thing the were intended to do, and as a result refuse to apologize. Not for what the did, which was revoke the rights of same-sex couples, nor for their "emotional summer", which is basically the pleasure they feel at accomplishing what they see as virtuous justice. Though near the end of the piece their convictions waver ever so slightly with the line "how could this be wrong?", which displays hints of uncertainty and doubt, they ultimately believe they are blameless in the scenario and, as such, still do not feel they should apologize.
Winter |
Summer |
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For now, I am winter.
Though it has never reached true cold here there are saline drips carving ice down my face, as if they had practiced every etching hoping one day to create their masterpiece. For now, I am winter in the wake of proclamations my mettle is a lover well past, strength has waned too greatly to pretend that our heavy veils are not of hoarfrost, of burros hide. Meant no longer to announce felicity, but instead to conceal the ineffable; the parts of ourselves that the congregation has perspicuously forbidden. We are now and always have been nothing more than objects of execration. It is 68˚ outside, winters’ snow is staved for now. So although I must concede that with the weather in this life I have seen far worse, we cannot ignore the songs of our sanguine heart. Beating despite the reality of razors, they strain against shackles that have been built only to remind of what’s been debarred. I can feel winters gelid claws, but today, they feel like my home. And the phone is silent, this life is too cold. I know what they think of us. I’m not sure we will ever thaw. For now, I am winter. For now I am winter. |
I have no reason to apologize
for these languid summer days. I will not mold condolences nor share in the riches, the verdurous gift. From His grace we are gratified. We have reaped the spoils of our devotion, salvaged miscreants, abolished the unrepentant. We are bound to holy law, to heaven's sacred mouthpiece. He speaks to us–– in piety we listen. We are His principled creations, it is our duty to abide. I have no reason to apologize. There is nothing to be sorry for. Summer is in my veins, faced with righteousness, once cold they now thaw. Though I have been encased by arctic winds, tasted ice, her vacant kiss, I am warm now. We are warm. The noble majority has leveled the lifestyle of our anathema, Leviticus 20:13, we expelled abominations. Victorious, we were obeying our fidelity. We have done nothing wrong. How could this be wrong? I have no reason to apologize, there is nothing to be sorry for. |
Historical Relevance
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Winter, the first of the two companion poems, is a literary piece written to explore the emotions an LGBTQ patron may have felt following the passing of California’s infamous Proposition 8, a bill legally known as Proposition 8 – Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. Adversely, Summer details the feelings a religiously motivated proponent of said bill potentially experienced.
In any case, the aforementioned proposition was a piece of legislature meant to officially amend California’s constitution to declare that only marriage between a man and woman would be considered valid, a direct reaction to the brief legalization of same-sex marriage months prior on June 15, 2008. While it was being campaigned, Prop 8 was endorsed by affluential political figures John McCain, Newt Gingrich, and Mitt Romney. Additionally, it is clear that religious themes are a prominent subject throughout the text of both poems. The decision to add such material, however, was not an unconscious one. Rather, it was determined with sound reason and relevancy. |
A drafted frame for the first poem, Winter.
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Nearly all support rallied for the controversial bill was from organizations of a religious nature, and the argument for Prop 8’s intentions to ban same-sex marriage was primarily formulated on spiritual convictions. Dominant groups such as the Roman Catholic Church, the Knights of Columbus, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, the Eastern Orthodox Church, various Evangelical groups, the American Family Association, Focus on the Family, and the National Organization for Marriage, were supporters who contributed largely to the campaigning in favor of Proposition 8. Such involvement tethers the legislature to religion, primarily religion rooted in Christianity, and makes it difficult to argue that the intolerance of homosexuals, at least in this instance, is not goaded on by ecclesiastical zealotry. It is this that motivates the self-righteous attitude of the latter poem, Summer.
Proposition 8 passed on November 4, 2008, with a narrow majority in favor of the official amendment. The percentage in approbation had been 52.24%, or 7,001,084 votes out of a total 13,402,566, while those in dissent clocked in at 47.76%, or 6,401,482 votes––the close proximity of the results had been perceived as especially disheartening to the LGBTQ community. Though Prop 8 was eventually overturned on August 4, 2010, it remained in enforcement for close to two years. Since California is typically viewed as one of the nation’s most liberal states, the defeat was a painful and discouraging blow for the bill’s opponents, and the proposition’s passing sparked a wide selection of lawsuits and nationwide protests.
Though state-level bans on same-sex marriage were ruled unconstitutional on June 26, 2015 in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, Proposition 8 remained a poignantly controversial subject for a significant amount of time following its passing and played a significant role in politics, such as the presidential election, as a consequence.
Proposition 8 passed on November 4, 2008, with a narrow majority in favor of the official amendment. The percentage in approbation had been 52.24%, or 7,001,084 votes out of a total 13,402,566, while those in dissent clocked in at 47.76%, or 6,401,482 votes––the close proximity of the results had been perceived as especially disheartening to the LGBTQ community. Though Prop 8 was eventually overturned on August 4, 2010, it remained in enforcement for close to two years. Since California is typically viewed as one of the nation’s most liberal states, the defeat was a painful and discouraging blow for the bill’s opponents, and the proposition’s passing sparked a wide selection of lawsuits and nationwide protests.
Though state-level bans on same-sex marriage were ruled unconstitutional on June 26, 2015 in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, Proposition 8 remained a poignantly controversial subject for a significant amount of time following its passing and played a significant role in politics, such as the presidential election, as a consequence.
Final Product
Animal War
Young Heretics
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These these silvery scars
Dress themselves up in daylight But by the nighttime come You can hardly tell There ever was a fight Between the animals and I Oh yes, my dear I wish I could give you Something worth fighting for But the truth is dear That the animals and I Never went to war |
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Additional Research
Interview Example
Amidst my research, I felt it was important to utilize my skills with communication and thus reach out to community members who I knew would be capable of contributing to my project. To accomplish this, I compiled a list of interview questions and talked to a selection of people about their experiences and answers--below you will see an example of one such interview. For the privacy and in respect of the participant, their name has been omitted.
Question: What is your gender identity and sexual orientation?
Answer: I am a pansexual, cisgender girl. I've never really considered myself to be another gender, but my sexuality had changed in the past.
Question: What is your religion?
Answer: I am a Lutheran.
Question: Do you feel that religion, specifically Christianity, has been detrimental to the movement for LGBTQ rights? Do you feel that religious organizations possess political power, at least in America?
Answer: Honestly, religion is not something that has done good for the LGBTQ community. While some people are unbiased or uncaring in regards to the community, the majority are very harshly against it. Religion has such a large hold over society that, in my opinion, it has not left anything untouched. Religious organizations definitely do have some political power due to this.
Question: Have you faced discrimination as a result of your gender identity or sexual orientation? Has any of it been on a religious basis ( e.g. “It’s wrong, the bible says it’s a sin” )?
Answer: I haven’t told a lot of people about my sexual orientation, so I haven’t faced a large amount of discrimination. I’m scared of what I may face, for the small amount I have received was harsh. I’ve lost friends and have been told that, yes, it’s wrong and a sin. I’ve been told that it’s “unnatural” and “gross/disgusting”.
Question: Do you feel conflict over being LGBTQ and trying to be true to your faith? ( If applicable )
Answer: I used to. I come from a family that is not okay with the LGBTQ community due to religion, so I was conflicted and uncomfortable with how I felt. I was scared then, but now it doesn’t affect me. I’ve accepted that my sexuality and religion are two different things. I’m not going to be hurt or “punished” for accepting myself, for I know it’s who I am and that it isn’t something I can change.
Question: Have you known of others who have been persecuted ( thrown out, abused, put through conversion therapy, disowned, etc. ) for their gender identity or sexual orientation on a religious basis, or are at risk of such persecution?
Answer: I’ve known two people that have had to face abusive actions, one of which was kicked out. I’ve also had a friend who, after being forced into therapy, moved out on his own to avoid worse scenarios. I fear that if my parents found out about my sexuality, I’d be kicked out or treated harshly due to what I’ve been told ( These three friends had very religious families, similar to mine ).
