Why is this important to me?
Since I was in elementary school I have struggled with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and Panic Disorder. Growing up I've been on multiple medications and soon began to have recurring Depressive episodes. One i am currently in right now. Many people do not know what these feelings and this illness really is. I wanted to make a project to show what sufferers like me go through every day. Enjoy~
History and the Facts
A poem of my Struggles
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
People with generalized anxiety disorder can have it for life. It is an intense period of worry and fear in the back of ones mind. It mostly happens in social situations or stressful ones, but it can happen at random times which is what makes this disorder a disorder.
Generalized anxiety disorder symptoms include:
- Restlessness or feeling wound-up or on edge
- Being easily fatigued
- Difficulty concentrating or having their minds go blank
- Muscle tension
- Difficulty controlling the worry
- Sleep problems (difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless, unsatisfying sleep)
People with panic disorder have recurrent unexpected panic attacks, which are periods of intense fear that include: palpitations, pounding heart, sweating, trembling or shaking, shortness of breath, smothering, and feeling of impending death.
Panic disorder symptoms include:
- Sudden and repeated attacks of intense fear
- Feelings of being out of control
- Intense worries about when the next attack will happen
- Fear or avoidance of places where panic attacks have occurred in the past
Social Anxiety Disorder
People with social anxiety disorder (also called “social phobia”) have a fear of social or performance situations in which they expect to feel embarrassed, judged, rejected, or fearful of offending others.
Social anxiety disorder symptoms include:
- Feeling highly anxious about being with other people
- Having a hard time socializing
- Feeling self-conscious in front of other people and worried about feeling humiliated, embarrassed, or rejected.
- Being afraid that other people will judge them
- Worrying for days or weeks before an event where other people will be
- Staying away from places where there are other people
- Feeling nauseous when other people are around
- Shyness, or behavioral inhibition, in childhood
- Being female
- Economically poor
- Being divorced or widowed
- Exposure to stressful life events growing up and in adulthood
- Passed down through genetics
- Elevated afternoon cortisol levels in the saliva (specifically for social anxiety disorder)
It starts with...
It starts with dread.
A grey wave of a dark ocean crashing over me
I take a deep breath, I know what is to come
I have my emergency medication
What dose will I take today?
One pill? One and a half? Three?
I hate taking them.
I hate feeling them slide down my throat
I'm poisoning myself.
My body is shaking
Every nerve convulsing my core from the inside out.
I pace the halls of my school,
Dreading to go back to class.
I should have stayed home from school
But I've missed so much already and I can't miss any more
It is not seen as an illness.
Just think happy thoughts. Just calm down.
Trust me, if I could stop my attacks with the turn of a switch, I would!
I'm chained to the bottom of an ocean, forced to drown.
I see the outside world above me. Blue skies and fresh air.
And I am stolen from those basic needs
My mom says it will get better.
I know that it gets better,
It always gets better.
But it takes too long
And it will just return tomorrow
Every. Single. Day.
I am suffering in my own skin
In my own mind
I want to scream!
I want silence...
Will I be better?
Tell me I will be all right.
Because at this point I don't know anymore,
And I don't know how much more I can take
Let me sleep the night
Don't leave me
Hold me close
But don't touch me
I want to go home.
But home left me long ago
To live in this cavern at the bottom of a perilous sea
Where the sailors are above me with their flutes and wine skins
Where I am stuck with the grey crashing waves.
The night comes
I lie awake in my bed and bundle myself in the covers
A heavy weight sits on my chest
I curl up in the warmth of my bed
Hoping that it will take away the harsh winter in my mind
I dread the upcoming morning.
Nobody deserves this pain.
I don't want it anymore.
Take it away
Drain the ocean
This disease, this infection is my bane
How can someone live like this?
It starts with dread.
What does it end with?
My Art Piece
These are the stages to my unfinished art piece. I wanted to create a stop motion doll. This doll would be cold looking and covered with torn clothes to show her struggles. The background piece I made were with green and teal paint splashes because they are the colors of Depression and Anxiety awareness.